I woke up, hoping to feel refreshed after a night spent tossing and turning.
It was one of those long nights when I couldn’t turn off my thoughts and my memories wouldn’t give me a moment’s peace.
So, as I opened my eyes, I mustered every bit of optimism about the start of a beautiful day, until my heart whispered the lingering thoughts I hadn’t wanted to keep remembering.
The pain of our split was all too real and felt like just yesterday, though it was actually a couple weeks.
I knew that no matter what I told myself or what I wanted, my heart wasn’t ready to let you go..
Even though my head kept telling me to move on.
That’s one of the hardest places to be…when your head is at war with your heart.
Deep down, I knew what was best for me and what I needed to do, but there was no convincing my heart of that reality.
My emotions weren’t there yet, so I was stuck, all the time, between trying to forget and a heart that wouldn’t let me.
It was a constant montage at night, playing a never ending stream of us…good, bad and ugly, but always us.
I did the best I could and just fought for a few hours sleep, if that, in between the nonstop thinking.
Though, as I sipped my coffee that morning, I noticed that everything hurt just a little less and the sunlight was a little bit bright.
Maybe, I thought, is how it happens.
The more time passes, the less you feel, the less you hurt, the less you remember…one day, it’s all just a distant memory.
I couldn’t help but smile at the possibility of relief.
I knew I’d have to make peace with the past before I could ever really move on, but suddenly, I felt a twinge that I didn’t have before.
Maybe it wasn’t a bold epiphany and maybe it didn’t make anything better instantly, but now, I finally realized that I could do this.
Things would get better, the pain would begin to subside- I’d start to find my way again.
That, for now, would have to be enough.
After all, now, I had something I didn’t have last night and it changed everything..
Something that had been eluding me for far too long: Hope.
And I’ll just keep building on that, all the way to my newfound happiness.
It might take a while, but I knew now I could make my way away from the pain of us.
Step by step and day by day, I’d start to love myself again, and finally, be able to let you go.