All my life, I thought I needed a love interest, relationship or partner to be happy, I did whatever I could to avoid being single.
That meant I took a lot of bad turns, made a lot of wrong choices and tried to love a lot of wrong people.
I couldn’t understand what was wrong. Every time, I ended up with hurt feelings and a broken heart.
Truth is, I’d never really tried to be on my own, the thought alone scared me to death.
I was so accustomed to being in a relationship because that’s how I identified myself, I thought that’s what I needed to be happy.
Until one day, after the umpteenth failed love, crying endless tears and being tired of the same broken ending to my love story, I made a choice.
I won’t say that I wasn’t scared, worried and nervous about trying to actually figure out who I was, because I was all of those things, and it was terrifying being alone trying to figure it all out.
I didn’t know where to start,where to go or what to do, I just knew I couldn’t keep repeating the same mistakes over and over.
All the decisions to try to turn frogs into fairytales had left my heart in pieces and my soul empty.
Forget chasing love and trying to get someone to love me, that never worked out for me the way I wanted.
I didn’t even know myself any more, because I could always submerge myself into my relationship and never have to face those truths.
I had to take back my magic, find my voice and rediscover the person I had lost along the way.
I was at that place where I felt like I was staring over the edge of the abyss without knowing what lie before me.
But I pushed forward in spite of my insecurities and fears, and I found with each baby step, I felt a little freer and a bit lighter.
The more I found out about myself, the more I started to love.
Focusing on myself led me down a road that was strangely familiar and weirdly exciting as I began to uncover parts that had laid dormant for a long time…actually, forever.
Every day was still scary, but the more I kept going, the less frightening each choice, decision and day became, and with each step, I became stronger, wiser and more secure with myself.
Sure, there’s still things I want to change about myself when I look in the mirror and there will always be parts of myself I want to improve.
The difference is, now I’m doing for me, living for the things that make my heart smile.
Because of me, for me, by me.
Maybe I don’t have it figured out, but that’s the beauty of it all…I don’t have to.
One step at a time, day by day.
I got this.