It’s those times at night when I’m lying in bed lost in thought that are the hardest.
My mind has countless thoughts of what has been, what will be and even what could be, and it’s almost overwhelming at times.
I wish I didn’t turn over the endless possibilities and think about the past until it hurt, but that’s just how my mind works.
I’ve been hurt so many times it almost feels normal now and I’ve been broken apart so often, I just want to forget how broken I am.
I try to embrace my flaws, mistakes and pain to become better, but it’s just so hard to overcome the feelings that want so hard to bring me down.
All the emotions, thoughts and pain blends together and I’m stuck so often between wanting to come apart completely and trying to forget the people and hurt that brought me to this place.
I fight to focus on evolving from the lessons of my past, but sometimes, I get stuck and can’t move forward…I’m just mired in the darkness of the pain.
In the silence of the night, when the quiet can be deafening, that’s when it’s the hardest, when I’m alone with my thoughts and I have nothing to keep me from the darkness other than sleep, which can be so fleeting at times.
It’s so hard to forget, to let go and to move on, but I’m trying.
I know that I have to make peace with my pain and confront my demons in order to make my angels sing, and I know that won’t be easy or fast, but I’m determined to rise out of the angst and find my way back to the light.
So, yeah, maybe I’m broken, but I’m not too shattered to start again and put my pieces back together in a better way.
I’m beautiful in the way my broken fragments of my heart and soul come together now, and I’ll keep rising until I’m able to feel the joy again.
Broken doesn’t mean lost, it means starting again, and that’s just what I’m doing.
It may not be tomorrow, next week or next month, but I’ll get there…one way or another.
I’m grabbing my happiness and I’m not letting go.
Broken, beautiful and just doing my best every day…that’s me.
No matter how I get knocked down or stuck again…I got this.