Closing This Chapter.

I gave you everything I had…heart, mind, body and soul.

It still wasn’t good enough.

You made me feel horrible about myself in so many ways every day for reasons that didn’t even matter.

The worst part was that you justified every mean thing you did and all the cruel words that you spewed at me, saying you were just trying to help me get better.

Get better at feeling worse about myself ?

We fought so many times because you had to have the last word, you were always right, or so you thought.

I don’t know when we stopped loving and started fighting for our survival as a couple, but it doesn’t matter anymore.

I’m sure you’d have an answer and would blame it on me if you could, but I’m not asking you, because you’ve pushed me so far that I’m not crying anymore.

I’m just numb now.

Numb to your words, your promises and your apologies.

I have nothing left to give, I’ve spent everything I had trying to save a relationship that I’m not even sure you care about, or at least that you don’t care about as much as you do yourself.

There’s so many things that I’ll never understand about the whys, but I don’t have to.

I’ve run out of words, feelings to try to care about you anymore.

It’s time now to put myself first, something I haven’t done in a long time, that stops now.
Don’t get me wrong, I hope the best for you, sincerely, just not as a part of my life.

I’m hard enough on myself without you adding to the onslaught.

So, as you’re wondering why I’m not calling you back and not fighting with you on text anymore, the reason is very simple and powerful.
I’m done.

No more chances or trying to work things out.
I’m walking away, lifting my head up and trying to find the light again.

I know I’ve got a hard road ahead of me and I’ll probably miss you a lot, but truthfully, I miss me more.

I miss the old me, loving, beautiful and strong who could do anything and was always finding the happiness in her life.

I don’t blame you for anything, I take responsibility for every time I allowed you to treat me badly and all the ways that I didn’t stand up for myself.

That’s also why I’m taking responsibility for my life back and walking away.

I’m owning my choices and my happiness, finally after way too long of allowing myself to feel like a victim, because I’m not.

I’m closing this chapter of my life and starting anew.

I don’t know where I’m going or how I’ll get there,
But as I say goodbye to a past filled with anguish, I’m starting to finally feel the sunlight again.

Now, it’s my time to get my shine back.

It’s my time again…to rise again, to fly high and most of all, to just be happy again.

http://www.prettymessedup.org